Little Funnies
by TheHuntress21
Summary: My "Oh...Baby!" and "Tips to Handle Humanized Autobots" put into one large chapter book for easier sorting. DID NOT TAKE THEM DOWN! Hope you enjoy them for years to come. : )
1. Two Little Pink Lines

Summary-Sari and Bumblebee have gotten serious the past two years since the defeat of Megatron. Maybe..."to" seriously. When a "surprise" occurs a whole lot of comedy and panic ensues! Set in time of Sideswipes Mechanic's story.

**Made for Sideswipe's Mechanic. **

**Any ideas for more one shots are welcomed. Hope you enjoy! XD **

Two Little Lines

Pink.

Sari stared at the color. All at once her whole face went stark white! Her hands shook as the object she now feared, held two undeniable pink lines in the center. Normally she loved the color. But today, of all days, pink was the last color she wanted to see. Bought hours ago, Sari had literally taken a Mission Impossible move sneaking out from her friends and family to get this. A standard object used for many, many, decades. A simple tool, if given the right amount of time, can tell two worried people if they are about to take on a BIG responsibility. It took five minutes for it to tell her all she needed to know.

Sari felt questions bombard her from nowhere. _"How did this happen!" _Her voice screamed from within. They had only been spark bonded for ONE MONTH! Granted, she and BB had been getting "wild and crazy" since then. But….a child? Was that even possible? Was it even safe?

"_I am so slagged."_ Sari thought. She did a face balm and leaned back on the sink drawers. While she continued to keep her eyes close, someone came up from behind her. It was Grace, home temporarily from college. She had just finished working on the car Optimus had given as a present a few months ago and was walking up to clean off the dried oil from her body. Grace had no idea what she was about to walk into. She froze seeing Sari in the bathroom, a pregnancy test in her hands! Her mouth dropped seeing the same color as Sari did.

"Holy crap!" Grace shouted from behind. Sari jumped in surprise. However she turned with the speed of a gazelle and pulled her nearest best friend into the bathroom. Sari slammed the door shut and waited to hear if any of the guys would say something. She sighed in relief as no one asked what made Grace curse like a sailor. Sari turned around to see Grace staring at her in shock. She pointed to the test strip shouting "What is…!"

"SHHHH! Keep it down!" Sari whispered hoarsely, waving her hand. She slapped a hand over Grace's mouth, struggling to keep her from screaming. It felt like wrestling a calf to the ground at the rodeos Gwen took her to once! Sari kept her voice in a wavering steadiness adding "I don't want them to know yet!"

Grace nodded and half pushed Sari away as her best friend slowly let her go. She pointed angrily at the device whispering loudly "What the hell is that!"

"What's it look like! A way to check energon readings!" Sari sarcastically hissed back. She shook her head and pushed her red hair from her face. Both Sari and Grace looked down at the device. Grace asked quietly "When did you think you were…."

"Two days ago. I kept getting sick in the morning for five days straight." Sari answered shoulders drooping. She half snorted in humor adding "Ratchet thought I just had a bug…"

"Oh you had a bug alright! A yellow one with black stripes!" Grace stated back. She suddenly began to laugh, saying "Way to go Bee!"

"Shut up! This isn't funny!" Sari snapped back. Grace smirked replying "I see the mood swings have started."

Sari only glared back. She looked down at the device, slowly putting it on the counter. Both girls gazed at it for a long time. All Sari could think about was a number…..19. That was how old she was, apparently. When she was found by her father all those ears ago, it was found that doctors thought she had a rare disease that made her grow one year to every two. Not knowing that since her father touched the protoform he had messed up her biological clock. It had taken her old key set it right. Many weeks had been devoted on everyone getting used to her new age. So now….

"How in the pit are you going to break this too them?" Grace asked, reading her thoughts. Sari shook her head, holding her forehead. She stated "I really don't know."

Both girls looked up suddenly when a loud curse from Ratchet lifted the air. Quickly he shouted "SARI! Get down here! Your next!"

"What is he talking about?" Sari asked confused. Grace began to slowly laugh again saying "He scheduled a routine check up for everyone today."

"Oh….shit." Sari whispered, forgetting Grace had never heard her cuss. She almost laughed seeing Grace be taken back for a second. However Sari's smirk formed to a frown and she stared off into the distance. Just a few feet, a couple of paces and she was about to tell a family something VERY unexpected. She just hoped they wouldn't completely freak. Grace piped in with a quiet snicker and whispered "I'm gonna get my camera!"

Sari rolled her eyes, shaking her head. Grace went ahead but suddenly, hesitated. She turned and had a soft smile on her face. Sari hadn't seen her features so soft before. Grace came up to her, holding both her hands gently with Sari's, saying "Hey, Congrats. Even if they freak….it's still something to celebrate. Remember that."

"Thanks and…I will." Sari replied quietly, softly smiling back. Grace nodded her head and softly gave her hands a squeeze. Then she quickly reverted to her old self with a smirk as she laughed "That's why I am getting that camera! Can't teach a child blackmail to early, now can we?"

Sari laughed as Grace ran from the room. She really needed that. Because if Sari had any inkling of how her family was gonna react….then she needed all the humor she could get.

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***Exam Room***

Sari put down her arm as Ratchet's hologram pulled off the blood pressure cuff. He disappeared and Ratchet's regular robot body sipped on energon, looking at the screen with a frown on his face. Sari glanced at the around the room to see everyone who could possible count as family in the room. That meant Jazz, who was leaning on the wall half asleep after his check up. Prowl, who was standing in an emotionless stance with Grace beneath him. She smiled at Sari with a devilish look, not even hiding the fact of the secret that was between them. Gwen was right beside her with Peter. They both looked at Sari with a questioned look. Sari shook her head and Grace only snickered. Bulkhead and Optimus were having a private conversation, completely oblivious. Finally Bumblebee was standing near, giving Sari a small smile. She grinned back, all the while thinking _"You are soooooo going to faint. You act like a kid sometimes but…I'M to expect you can raise one? Yeah….right." _

Sari ignored his worried concern as her smile turned unknowingly to a glare. He had no idea she was also thinking _"If I have all the symptoms they say I will have during a pregnancy….you are going to pay._

Their silent words were interrupted as Ratchet suddenly said "That's strange."

"What?" Sari asked innocently. Grace only smirked wider. Ratchet shrugged saying "You seem to have a very large amount of estrogen and Cybertronian hormones this month."

"Which could mean?" Grace asked and Sari glared at her. Ratchet seemed perplexed at their questions. Yet he felt a hunch. A big one, which not even he could think was possible so soon. But…possible. Ratchet looked back at both girls, answering "It just means that your body is showing signs of maternity."

"Is that serious?" Sari asked, swallowing her inside voice screaming _"No duh! Showing __**signs**__ of maturity? It's not signs buddy! It's because I AM PREGNATE! I'M PREGANTE! _ _I'M PREGANTE! _ _I'M PREGANTE! _ I'M….."

"Oh no. Unlike _Sentinal_ would want everyone to believe….a human mating with a mech of our species and producing a child is NOT a freak of nature." Ratchet answered, grumbling after the thought of said mech. A few of the group's eyes perked up at the way the conversation was going. Sari glanced back at Grace before asking "So the child would have no complications?"

"Yep , and no other defects of any kind. Just a simple techno-organic." Ratchet answered, sipping on his energon. Bumblebee gave her a questioning look, wondering what was going on. She wasn't paying attention. Sari had her eyes solely one Grace who was relieved as she. Then Sari asked again "And the birth would be safe for both parties?"

"Just like any _regular_ birth of any _regular_ human being." Ratchet answered with a chip to his voice. He was getting agitated from all the questions. Grace's eyebrow arched and she motioned to the group. Sari knew too…it was time. She sat up straighter and stated

"Good…cause I'm pregnant."

Ratchet choked on his recently sipped energon. It sprayed the wall nearby in blackened ooze as the whole room went silent. Grace hide a smile behind her left hand as Peter's jaw almost hit the floor. Gwen simply gasped, holding one hand over her mouth lightly. Bulkhead's eye got the size of sauces and Prowl just stared dumbfounded. Jazz tripped, almost landing onto the floor. Thankfully his lean on the wall was able to catch his balance. Optimus mouth dropped but quickly he recovered, glaring at Bumblebee. The said bot only went pale, his hand shaking. Sari blushed and wanted so badly to be anywhere but here. Of course Grace had to make it worse by laughing and giving Bumblebee a thumbs up saying

"Fastest thing of wheels just won the big one!"

A very awkward silence hung around the room for a moment. Sari wished she could just disappear. Thankfully, Optimus was the first to break the quietness. He had continued on glaring at Bumblebee that whole time. Finally he stated "I thought I told you to use protection since you're just newly sparked…"

"It didn't work." Sari replied for him, sheepishly. Grace laughed again saying "We'll duh!"

Bumblebee didn't say anything. He just kept staring and shaking. Sari hesitantly said "Bee?"

However his optics rolled into the back of his head and his body smacked right to the floor. This time Peter almost began to laugh, choking out "He fainted."

"A lot of newly fathering bots do in our species." Ratchet grumpily informed. He reached for his medic bag as Gwen hide a smile behind her mouth answering "So do the men in our species."

Sari buried her head in both hands, moaning. She could not believe this had happened! This was not how she had pictured it would go. If her family was this weird about just KNOWING? Then how was nine months going to be? As Bumblebee twitched once on the floor, Sari sighed. The words "difficult" didn't even begin to describe what was to come.

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***Eight Months Later***

Bumblebee got over his shock fairly we'll after his first reaction. Now he was ecstatic over having a child! Sari even had to give him a weekly allowance for baby toys after he came home one time with over $300.00 worth of JUST baby clothes! They didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl! So he got both! Grace just bursts out laughing when the word "baby clothes" comes up in a conversation now. Everyone else was excited about having a baby in the group. They all had pitched in for a baby crib and rocking chair. Sari had cried for three minutes after that, repeating "You're so sweet!"

However the "real" fun was yet to come. Sari had begun to have food cravings….

"Bee?" Sari asked softly, looking at the TV screen. She had barely made it on the couch with her pouched out stomach. So right now Sari had decided she was not going anywhere. Bumblebee smiled at her purring "Yes?"

"Could you go get me some pickles and ice cream?" Sari asked sweetly. Grace and Gwen jerked their heads to stare at her, just now sitting beside her on the couch. Bumblebee fought his mouth from dropping and asked "Uh, pickles and ice cream?"

"Yes, make the ice cream chocolate. OH! And get me some watermelon for later! Get the seedless kind." Sari replied sweetly back and smiling. Gwen and Grace looked at each other, then back at Sari. She noticed this and shrugged her shoulders asking "What?"

"Nothing!" They both said in unison. For the past week Sari had also…snapped at people from time to time. If they tried saying anything back, most of the time she burst out in tears, swearing no one loved her anymore. Everyone pretty much walked on egg shells this past month in her pregnancy. Bumblebee smiled back at his wife answering "Okay...Sweetheart. I'll be..right back."

Sari smiled and turned back to the TV. She never noticed how Gwen and Grace turned to each other mouthing a "Eww" to each other. Gwen whispered to Grace's ear "I thought she didn't even LIKE pickles?"

"She does now." Grace muttered, eyeing Sari. This wasn't the worst combination they had seen though. For the first two months was cucumbers. Sari just about ate a whole ten acre garden of those! Then in her fifth month there was Peanut butter and Bologna. Grace had tried it too just to see Prowl jag and then shocked everyone by saying how good it was! Seventh month was Chocolate Chip cookies and Cottage cheese. Everyone had voted that the strangest month they had ever seen. Sari had dipped into so many emotions that month everyone called her the "Roller Coaster" for about a week! This was in the middle of her ninth month and things had started to calm down. Now….she was asking for pickles and ice cream. Oh…boy.

Sari bit her lip as a funny moment came on the screen. Grace smiled sheepishly, flipping the channel, saying "Sorry."

Gwen gave a perplexed look and Grace had to laugh. She motioned to Sari, who was smiling sheepishly too, explaining "This past week Sari can't laugh without…."

"Going." Sari butt in, growing red. Gwen mouthed silently "Going…" then realized what they meant. She suddenly began to giggle while trying to choke out "Oh….I'm…so….Sorry…..Sari!"

"It's okay. I can't laugh, cough, burp or smile without…" Sari replied, her face turning scarlet. She too began to giggle. Grace interjected adding "Without giving a contribution to Detorit's plumbing and waste company!"

Gwen and Grace burst out laughing, almost falling off the couch. Sari laughed along too and hide her red face behind a pillow. However she soon regretted it. A familiar sensation sent a dark beat red to her face. She moaned going "Oh…great!"

This DID send the girls on the floor, wheezing out to breathe. Sari glared at them hissing "Some help you both are! Dying from laughter and leaving me stranded on this couch!"

"I….am…sorry….! I…don't….mean..it!" Gwen giggle out, coming to her feet. She pulled on Sari and helped guide her to the bathroom. Sari waved her off as she entered to the doorway. However as she closed the door, she glanced down at the toilet seat.

Oh, they had this battle before, she and this toilet. It had won some, she had won some. Sari had a quiet stare down with the lower seat. It was the last month now, she could do this. The toilet would not win! She sighed and muttered "This…might be a problem."

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***Ten minutes later***

Sari washed her hands and exited the bathroom with awkwardness. She stopped and laughed at herself. A penguin couldn't waddle more ridiculously! Sari felt like one of those Weeble Wobble toys from years past! You know, the ones who say "We weebles wobble but we don't fall down!"

Sari couldn't wait for this pregnancy to be over! Between the weird food cravings, the emotions and water weight…she felt like going insane! Sari hadn't been able to sit down without help for over a month! Then trying to get back up….impossible. At least she could laugh about it now. Primus knows Sari would laugh her aft off later!

Suddenly, a warm watery feeling slipped between her legs. Sari had the sensation she might be going on herself _again _and tried to get back into the bathroom. She didn't get very far. Her first step sent a gallon of water spewing to the floor. Sari froze and all laughing stopped. Oh…no.

"My water broke!" Sari whispered fearfully. She glanced down to see what looked like a dam had been busted open all over the checkered floor! Sari jerked her head from side to side, trying desperately to find someone near! She would absolutely die of embarrassment if she had to walk around to find someone like this! She looked like she had wet her pants! How was she going to hide this?

Sari wanted to cry seeing Bulkhead come at that moment. At least he wouldn't laugh his aft off like her oh so loving husband. Bulkhead's faceplate imitated what a human might look like if their face went pale white. Oh, Sari had forgotten. They hadn't told Bulky what "really" happened in a birth of a human. Great, just great! She had no time to give a speed course on the birds and the bees!

"Stop. Right. There. Do NOT panic!" Sari ordered the green Autobot. She pointed at him and tried to pull herself from slipping onto the floor. With a deep breath she added strictly "Get. Gwen and Grace. Now!"

Bulkhead nodded his head quickly like a bobble head doll. He turned, barreling into the living room. Gwen and Grace gave him a perplexed look as he breathed heavily. Grace asked "What's wrong Bulky?"

"She's leaking…Sari's leaking!" Bulkhead said in panic. Grace stared at him dumbfounded. But Gwen nodded in a motherly way saying "Girls cry Bulkhead. Sari already told you that…"

"No. It's not from her eyes…" Bulkhead said with a sharp shake of his head. Gwen blinked once in surprise, muttering

"Then…"

Both girl's pupils dilated to the size of quarters and both went white. They turned to each other shouting "SARI!"

"In here." A weak and clearly embarrassed voice came from near the bathroom. Grace and Gwen raced past the living room doors to see Sari wiping herself softly off with a towel. She glanced up stating with a smile "I guess I laughed too hard."

Gwen whispered something on the line of "Poor baby!" and Grace helped her to the living room doorway. Gwen took the towel from Sari and soaked up the residue water on the floor. In the meantime Grace directed her to the medic room shouting "Ratchet! I think it's time!"

To be continued….

**Oh, cliffhanger. *Dramatic music* Alright I will post part 2 as soon as I can. Any ways, what was your favorite part? What made you laugh the most? I would like to hear from all of you! Also vote if it should be girl or a boy! Thanks again! : )**


	2. Small Bundle Of Joy

**Okay…I know this is late. But I hope you still enjoy!**

Small Bundle Of Joy

"You having any pain yet?" Grace asked smirking. She looked over at Sari who at the moment lay peacefully on a hospital bed. Ratchet had created a make shift area for the birth and Grace had to admit it looked just like any regular hospital room. Except there weren't any annoying nurses popping in every two minutes. Unless you counted Gwen. Sari shrugged her shoulders answering, "No…wait. What do you mean by yet?"

"Oh, you'll have pain! Trust me." Grace answered, giggling from Sari's reaction. Her best friend's eyebrows narrowed as she challenged "How do you know if I will?"

Grace couldn't help but roll her eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed and took a hold of Sari's right hand. Sari smiled as Grace acted like she was giving the worse news ever told to another human being.

"_Every _woman has pain during child birth. I used to job shadow at the hospital, remember?" Grace responded. She patted Sari on the shoulder adding

"All the woman who had a baby I saw had pain. LOTS of pain. Unless they asked for morphine…"

Sari shook her head quickly responding "No, I'm fine. I haven't even had a contracti…."

Suddenly Grace felt Sari tense up. Her pupils dilated to the size of quarters and jaw went to a tight ridge shape. Grace saw Sari's hand begin to tighten around hers. She tried pulling away but Sari seemed paralyzed. Grace grimaced as she held on tighter.

"Sari…" She asked cautiously. Sari didn't respond but only continued to breathe irregularly. Her mouth opened up where you could see all her teeth were tightly clenched. A hard moan escaped her mouth. Grace had a sharp pain shoot up her hand and arm. How had Sari become so strong? She began struggling from her best friend's grip saying

"Sari…your hurting my hand!"

Sari instead pulled her up by that one hand. Grace lay barely inches from her face and shuddered. Oh she knew that look. A Contraction had started. A BIG one. Sari glared daggers unto her best friend and hissed

"Get. Morphine. NOW!"

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***In the Living Room***

Everyone stood around pacing and waiting as a familiar yellow bot came racing into the room. A few heads shot up to see his worried face glance quickly around the area.

"Is she okay?" Bumblebee franticly asked. He had come directly back to base after Optimus made the call that it was time. Luckily for Bumblebee, he never made it to get that chocolate ice cream and pickles. Gwen had come back out from the designated delivery room after Grace started watching her. She smiled gently to the worried bot.

"She's fine Bee."

Grace came out just then, oddly holding her left hand tenderly. She gave it one hard shake mouthing the word "Ouch!". Prowl gave her an odd look. She only pointed at the delivery room. This only confused everyone even more. Grace sighed, that's right; none of them had ever seen "The Change" women go through when giving birth. She smirked; this was going to be entertaining.

Bumblebee started to zoom past her when Grace suddenly blocked the entrance. He stared at her in bewilderment as she cautioned

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you!"

"Come on Grace, it can't be that bad!" Peter responded laughing. He stopped when Grace sent him a chilling stare. Unlike the normal Grace who everyone was used too, she calmly responded "Yes. It. Is."

Letting down her arms and stepping closer to Bumblebee she pointed up at him warning "The change has begun, Bee."

"What change?" Gwen challenged crossing her arms. Grace turned to her asking calmly

"You don't believe me?"

She waved out her arms wide and motioned to Sari's hospital room. Grace shrugged responding quietly "We'll go on in."

Bumblebee and a few the others started to the room. Each giving her an odd look. However Grace never looked back but added softly "But I will tell you this."

The others looked back at Grace unnaturally still. She cross her arms and raised one eyebrow. Her gaze followed past into the partial opened door and then back up at the group. Grace flicked on nod to where Sari lay now and responded

"The saying 'Hell have no fury like a woman scorned'? It's talking about women and natural child birth."

Grace parted her feet in a fighting stance, pointing to the delivery room. She had one eyebrow continuously raised as she stated

"You want to see hell on earth? Watch a women have natural child birth."

"Oh Grace…." Prowl responded sighing. But he stopped when Grace continued her icy stern stare. She flicked her finger around in a "crazy" motion adding

"Wanna see someone go completely insane? Let a women have natural child birth."

"I haven't heard stories that bad!" Gwen responded shaking her head. Grace began to laugh unexpectedly. She shook her head responding sarcastically

"Really? I had women once; I don't WHERE she got it, or WHO gave it too her, but when her husband made a 'funny' comment to ease her pain…."

Grace made what looked like a ball in her hands and mimicked a sharp throwing action will adding

"She took out a major league baseball and hit him unconscious!"

Grace pointed where Sentinal used to be. He had started gagging upon learning how humans give birth and exited the building for the time being. Grace laughed and called him a pansy. Gwen did too. Anyway, Grace held back her laughter, continuing

"Natural child birth is the perfect interrogation method! A woman will tell you everything you want to know about her or anyone she sees."

She shook her head and started laughing again. Everyone eyed her again but Grace calmed herself before explaining, with the movements,

"I had another woman, stand up in the stirrups, point her finger to the sky and scream that her parents were never married!"

Grace pointed at Bumblebee and shook her head sadly. She sighed cautioning

"And you think your safe boy? She will turn on you…."

"I think you might be exaggerating a little Grace…." Optimus lectured in his "father" like voice. Grace smirked at him and crossed her arms. After looking him up and down she suddenly spouted

"And I don't even recommend you stepping two feet from that room."

Optimus blinked in surprise and Peter mouthed dropped slightly seeing Grace talk back at OP. Gwen tried hiding her laughter by placing her hand over her face. It only made her face beat red. Grace marched ahead of the stunned crowd and warned

"You would be amazed how fast a civilized woman can turn into a wild savage!"

Grace spread her arms wide finishing sarcastically,

"All just by having _Natural _Child Birth!"

The bots looked at each other than back at Grace. She crossed her arms and nodded while leaning against a doorway. Bumblebee though, stood straighter, challenging "I don't believe you."

Grace casually opened her hand and motioned to Sari's room. She smiled and said sweetly "If you insist."

Bumblebee arched his eye brows at Grace acting so strange. But that was his bonded, he had to go in! It was like, a rule or something. Bumblebee walked past Grace and came into the delivery room. He changed into his hologram and came smiling into the room.

Sari was glaring.

At

Him.

If looks could kill, Bee would have been dead at the door. He backed up slightly seeing Sari not move. Just. Kept. Glaring. He shook off the chill running down his back and came up to her bedside. Bumblebee patted her shoulder rattling off "Any babies yet?"

Sari grabbed his hand, squeezing. Bumblebee winced. He tried pulling out but Sari held on tighter. A sharp yelp escaped him and he struggled harder. Sari let go but grabbed both his shoulders. With lightening reflexes she pulled him inches from her face and gritted her teeth hard. Bumblebee's hologram went pale. Sari breathed haggardly screaming

"YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

Bumblebee squealed pulling back. Sari held him in place as the others came in the room. Grace stayed back in the living room. She laughed her butt off upon hearing Bee scream like a girl all the way in there. The twins looked up frightened and that only made Grace laugh more. Optimus frowned at Sari saying

"I know you're in pain Sari but you shouldn't act…"

"OH shut up afthole! I am NOT in the mood for one of your speeches!" Sari snapped glaring at him. Grace hid her smile, choking back more laughter as she could picture both Peter and Prowlsters jaws drop to the floor. She had warned them. Sari glared daggers back at the wigging hologram of Bee hissing

"Now fix it!"

"I can't…" Bee whimpered. Sari glazed down at him in disgust, throwing him away. She hissed

"Then…."

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***The Living Room***

Ratchet walked past with more supplies for the delivery. He glanced to see Grace leaning against a doorway, filing her nails. She looked up and smiled at him, then went back to work. He eyed her but she only shrugged her shoulders. Suddenly a high pitched scream of "GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!" sent a tumbling display of mechs and human organic came reeling out of Sari's delivery room. Ratchet blinked in surprise. Grace smirked wickedly. She acted completely nonchalant as the mechs and Peter breathed irregularly, staring up at her. Grace cocked her head asking

"You have fun?"

"How….Why….is acting like that?" Bulkhead exclaimed. Grace looked at him in shock. Acting like the explanation was staring him right in the face. She answered

"It's called pain."

Grace put away her nail file with careful ease. After seeing the boys had time to catch their breath, she continued,

"It's Contractions pulsing, muscles ripping and body parts stretching that were never meant to be stretched!"

She smiled seeing Peter grimace along with the other mechs. Grace was enjoying this. A lot. She would have to tell Sari's kid one day of the hilarity that went on before he/she was born. It would make quiet a funny bedtime story for years to come. Grace watched the men glance back that room, like a boogie man was coming out to get them. She smiled. Yeah, this was too much fun. Grace continued explaining,

"A comedian by the name of Carol Burnette said it perfectly….Take your bottom…..pull it over your head…."

"That's not so…" Bulkhead responded. Grace looked at him finishing

"And swallow."

"Ouch." Bulkhead replied, wincing. The others did in turn. Grace laughed again. She pointed to Sari's door saying "I…don't think, you guys need to bother Sari. Not till she's completely ready. We don't want this happy moment to cause someone to PTSD, now do we?"

The men/mech's shook their heads. Grace smirked wider replying "Good. Now, will we bother her anymore?"

Again, they shook their heads. Grace in turn nodded, walking away. Her laughter filled the room. She owed this baby big time.

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***Delivery Room***

Sari was ready. Her body was tensed up and she lay in position. The same mech who she screamed, threatened and cried at stood apprehensively next to her. Bumblebee held her hand delicately in his hologram form; advice from Ratchet who said less body mass in the room, the better. He had a sneaky suspicion Doc Bot just found amusement seeing his hologram eye Sari like she might attack at any moment. For now, Sari was quiet. She smiled gently up at him, mouthing an apology. Bumblebee kissed her forehead.

Then came the big contraptions.

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***Outside the Base***

"You think Sari is okay?" Bulkhead asked. Optimus shrugged his shoulders but sent a reassuring smirk. Suddenly a piercing scream echoed in the evening. This was followed by a ragging cry of "SON OF A BITCH! IT HURTS! OH PRIMUS! I'M NEVER HAVING A CHILD AGAIN!"

"I guess not." Grace answered. Gwen and Peter turned red as a few more up scene words came flying out of Sari's mouth. Great, now they'd have to explain THOSE words to the Autobots.

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***Delivery Room***

Sari leaned back on the hospital bed, crying out in agony. She heard Ratchet tell her to push and she obeyed out of instinct alone. All she wanted was this baby to get out of her! Her sweat pooled along her pillow line. Bumblebee held onto her hand as Sari squeezed it tighter. She looked at him and screeched "You get to have the next one!"

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***Living Room***

Optimus paced the floors as all the humans sat on the couch. The others were spread out among the room. No one spook. Sari's cries had been going on for hours. They had slowed once…then picked back up again. The Autobots had begged for what that meant. Grace went very pale replying "Something's wrong."

She suddenly went bolting into the Delivery Room. Optimus tried to follow her but she demanded he stay back. Grace bit her lip seeing he was hurt by her request. With an unknown gentleness she patted his leg saying "It will be okay. I promise."

Grace left the room. The others felt their hearts sinking. Abruptly…Sari was silent. Peter and Gwen slowly pulled themselves off the couch. Everyone looked at the closed door. Hearts and sparks beat heavily in a unified sound. Time….slowed. Then it happened…..

A baby cried.

It was soft. Gentle. Barely audible. Yet it rang out clear as day among the frightened group. Everyone sighed in relief. Then suddenly….

There was another cry.

Peter and Gwen looked at each other perplexed. Suddenly, Gwen put her hands over her mouth gasping. Optimus looked down at her, concerned. She started to cry…smiling. Grace at that moment entered the room. She two smiled; much more gently. Everyone gazed at her at once.

"Apparently Sari….has been keeping a secret." Grace said quietly. The Autobots went into their holograms in a flash, barreling towards the door. Gwen and Peter, hand in hand, went also.

They entered to find Sari resting with a tender grin on her face. With her left arm she held a little blue bundle. In her right….a pink one. One single tear slide down her face. Looking at the awed group in front of her, then the proud father next to her, Sari laughed saying "Surprise."

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***A few minutes later***

Everyone, after orders from Ratchet, had left the room. Leaving both proud and happy parents to themselves. With a lot of effort, Sari had convinced Bumblebee to hold his children now. This was the first time he had ever held an infant, human or Cybertronian.

Sari handed Bumblebee the small blue bundle, careful to make sure he was holding the head right. She smiled as the baby grunting once, then cooed. Bumbleebee held his son, smiling down upon his small frame. Sari held her daughter and leaned over smiling gently up at Bee.

"I decided you should name him. He does, after all, look just like you." Sari said quietly. Bumblebee gazed at his newborn son. He had long ago decided on a name, keeping it to himself in hopes of maybe having a boy.

"Benjamin Paul Sumdac." Bumblebee responded. He looked up at Sari continuing "Benjamin, for Bulkheads hologram name and for Peter's Uncle. Paul, for Prowls."

Sari nodded. She gazed down at her daughter tenderly. Quietly she spook "My name for my little girls was much more difficult. I have two of the greatest friends in the world but I couldn't decide on whose name I would choose. So I made a compromise…"

"Olivia Grace Sumdac." Sari spook. She gazed up at her bonded explaining

"Olivia for Optimus and Gwen's mother who she loved more than life itself. Grace…for obvious reasons."

Bumblebee grinned slightly looking down at his son. Sari gently took him back and placed his much smaller daughter into his arms. Bumblebee wrapped his arms secrely around her, placing one finger to brush away the blanket from her face. Olivia then decided to grab a hold of his finger, making soft comforting noises. Bumblebee gazed upon her as she opened her eyes. They were the same color as his, colbolt blue. He rocked her gently whispering "Hello my little Olivia."

Sari gazed down at her son adding "and hello to you too my Benjamin."

Both parents took turns holding their son and daughter. Each had never felt so happy in their entire lives. Little did they know Gwen had started to smile at Peter in the Living Room. He eyed her suspiciously as she kissed him. While Gwen pulled away she whispered "Why don't we have one?"

**Oh boy….what will Peter say? LOL! Anyway, do you like it? What a dramatic twist if I do say so myself. : ) Twins? Wow, Sari and Bee will have their hands full! **


	3. Tips to Handle Humanized Autobots Part 1

***Starts giggling* I made funny Guide on how to handle Autobots who come into our "real" reality. This will kind of be an ongoing Guide book, more tips will come as I think of them. Suggestions are ABSOLUTLY welcomed!**

**Hope you enjoy : )**

Tips to Handle Humanized Autobots

Part

One

TIP #1 – The Following Books are Band from the Group:

.

.

*The Yearling*

-The Autobots wanted to know what Fodderwing stood for.

-We looked it up.

-That's MEAN!

...

-Billy and Alex went naked around the house.

-Sadie and Crystal made them put their clothes back on.

...

-Bumblebee and Alex started begging for a deer as a pet.

-The girls told them no.

-They went looking anyway.

-Bumblebee went to the hospital with antler wounds on his aft.

-We couldn't stop laughing.

...

-At the ending we turned from laughing to sobbing.

-The boys didn't want a deer anymore.

.

.

*Lord of the Flies*

-Alex and Billy had to read it for a class assignment.

-They got Bumblebee and Bulkhead to read it with them.

...

-Alex and Billy started looking for wild pigs.

-Half way through the book Billy, Alex, Bumblebee and Bulkhead put face paint on, striped to loin cloths and made sharp wooden spears.

-They chased Ratchet around the yard with the spears screaming "The beast! The beast!" (He was not amused. Arcee thought it was funny. So did the others.)

...

-Bulkhead got mad about Piggy's death shouting "Why does the fat kid always get it?

-He quite the tribe. The boys were sad.

-The remaining boys made a big bonfire in the backyard.

-The house almost burn down to the ground.

-The girls took their books away.

-After reading the ending; the boys didn't mind.

.

.

*Where the Red Fern Grows*

-We told Crystal not to read it!

-She told them she could handle it.

...

-Crystal was wrong.

...

-She wouldn't stop crying.

-Optimus tried cheering her up.

-It didn't work.

-Crystal tears up everytime she sees a hound dog now.

.

.

.

TIP #2- Don't let the Autobots watch the following movies:

.

.

*Avatar*

-When the movie started, Bulkhead's eyes went huge and he exclaimed "Blue monkeys?"

-Emily laughed so hard at she fell off the couch.

-He didn't see what was so funny.

-Everyone else did.

...

-Billy and Alex learned to speak Na'vi.

-Now no one knew what they were saying for over a month.  
>...<p>

-All the boys want a Banshee now.

-Secretly…so do the girls.

...

-Prowl says the movie is very enlightening.

-So does Sadie.

-Tree huggers.

.

.

*Jurassic Park*

-Don't ask.

-Museums are to scary to go to now.

-Annie and Ashley jump out of their skins every time a shadow moves.

...

-Prowl went on a rampage of how untrue the movie was.

-Who knew Prowl could cuss? Or how many earth curses he knew?

-Sadie sure didn't.

.

.

*Ms. Doubtfire

-Awkward.

-It's a fly by frutie!

-Everyone will throw their voice when saying "Helloooo!"

-We caught Acree dancing with the vacuum cleaner.

...

-The Autobots glitched when they found out the woman on the front cover is a man.

-They will ask what hot flashes are.

-And what gay means if someone "accidently" (Alex) says the word where they can hear.

-And what body suits are.

-And is it really that easy to act like a woman.

-And if some of the "woman" on TV shows are actually men.

-As I said….awkward.

.

.

*Finding Nemo*

-Bumblebee acted like he had Short Term memory loss.

-Sari smacked him across the face after he said "Who are you?" three times in a row.

-Billy shot water across the room laughing at the spectacle.

...

-Prowl hide all the fish sticks in the house.

-Bumblebee glitched and started demanding why.

-Alex pointed at Bumblebee and corrected "Fish are friends, NOT food."

...

-The girl's WILL teach the Jet twins to say "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."

-Over.

-And over.

-And over.

-The Jettwins were sent to emergency room after Ratchet threw wrenches at them after two hours of singing.

.

.

*Willy Wonka and the Choclate Factory*

-Just don't.

-Who actually LIKES that movie?

-Billy told Alex Ommpa-Lommpa's were out to get him.

-He told Billy he was nuts.

-Later that night Alex woke up screaming.

-He went hysterical when meeting a short person for about a week.

-Including Bumblebee.

.

.

*Grease

-They will start to sing.

-There's a reason their fighters; NOT singers.

-All the girls can say is…don't quite your day job.

.

.

*Jaws 1, 2 and 3

- The girls will find it very amusing to sing "da, dum" just to hear the boys high pitched screams.

-We couldn't get Bulky to take a bath for a week.

-Crystal and Emily finally hosed him down with a fire hose.

-Bulky wasn't amused.

.

.

Tip #3 NEVER tell the Autobots about the following foods

*Hotdogs

-Optimus' face went white.

-Crystal fleed from the potential upchuck.

-Optimus gags when you say anything related to the food item.

-Crystal eats them sometimes just to see his face.

.

.

*Liver

-Billy and Alex shuddered from memories past.

-For a practical joke, they slipped some in Bulky and BB's plates.

-BB and Bulky spit it out and it went airborne.

-Right into Sari's face.

-She chased the four boys until finally shoving some of the nasty leftovers in Alex's mouth.

-Eww.

.

.

*Tongue

-Ratchet made the statement "So your eating something that can taste you?"

-Pizza's surprisingly good at 9:30 at night.

.

.

*Tofu

-Prowl still continues to eat it.

-As does Sadie.

...

-Crystal made the comment about Tofu, Futon sounding the same and tasting exactly alike.

-She didn't get the hint to be quiet when Sadie sent her a glare.

-Crystal continued saying that Tofu is a white jello, with no flavor, or taste, or smell that you cook in a pan with other food and it sucks the life out the other food.

-Sadie chased her out of the kitchen as Crystal giggled "Now we know why it's China's biggest export! They don't want that stuff EITHER!"

.

.

Tip #4- Never EVER let the Autobots try Alcohol!

-Prowl and Optimus thought it was human fuel.

-They had three glasses full.

...

-The girls came in to them laughing hysterically as Prowl fell off a bar stool.

-Crystal asked what was so funny.

-They had no idea!  
>...<p>

-Optimus broke in to "Show me the way to go home…"

-Prowl joined in with "I'm tired and I wanna go to bed!"

-Crystal and Sadie had to help them to bed as they continued singing "I had a drink about an hour ago….and it went right to my head!"

-Prowl and Optimus giggled like little girls before bellowing out "Where ever I may roam! ON land or sea or foam!"

-Optimus batted a very irritated Crystal from taking his shirt of and then kissed her on the lips while blubbering " I don't wanna go...but I got a go...HOME!"

...

-Crystal pushed him away, gagging at his breath and accidentally slipped.

-With Optimus on top.

-After just taking his shirt off.

-With Billy walking in the room.

-Black eyes are more painful with a hangover and death glares from your girlfriend's brother.

.

.

Tip #5- Never challenge Sadie to football. Ever. Period.

-Sack me Down Sadie showed up.

-She talked such smack Prowl turned bright red with embarrassment.

...

-When Ratchet made a foul on her team, she threatened to kick is a**.

-Alex wouldn't stop laughing after his reaction.

...

-Sadie pounced like a lion on Bulkhead before making it to the goal line.

-Where the slag did she come from?

-Did anyone see her move?

-Bulkhead still swears she roared like a lion as she tackled him.

...

-Bumblebee screamed like a girl when Sadie got in front of him before the goal line, growling in his face.

-Bumblebee ran away from the goal line.

-So did everyone else.

-We don't play football anymore.  
>.<p>

.

Tip #6- At Halloween, NEVER let the boys watch "horror" movies on TV. Day OR Night!

-They said they could handle it.

-Bulkhead's eyes got huge after just ten minutes.

-Alex started to shake in two seconds.

...

-The girls snuck behind them, leaping out at the most scary part.

-All the boys screamed.

-The girls laughed.

...

-Billy begged to stay on the couch for just ONE night!

-It turned into a week.

-Bumblebee secretly joined him.

-So did Alex.

-And Bulkhead.

-We found them huddled together with thumbs in their mouths.

-Crystal couldn't help it. She took a picture.

-Blackmail!

.

.

Tip #7 –Actually…..just skip Halloween.

-The boys BEGGED to take the Autobots trick or treating.

-We did. Ugh.

...

-Optimus had a spaz attack every time a kid came by in a Megatron suit.

-Crystal made him put down one crying child.

-Poor kid.

...

-Bumblebee started eating too much of the candy.

-Hyper Bumblebee came to town.

-Prowl threatened to kill him.

-He just kept bouncing around singing "The Monster Mash."

-Off key.

-Billy joined in, Alex too.

-Again…I didn't know Prowl knew so many human curse words.

...

-Alex saw a kid in an Ommpa Lommpa Suit.

-Billy whispered "He's coming for you…just like I said."

-He paid the kid ten bucks to start singing the song.

-The poor kid was chased a half a block as Alex ran behind screaming "Don't sing that da** song!"

-The mom chased Alex away with her purse.

-Billy has it as a Youtube video.

-It has over 100,000 views.

.

**.**

**So…funny? Stupid? I want to know what you think! Any ideas for Tips are welcomed!**


	4. Tips to Handle Humanized Autobots Part 2

**Okay here is a few more tips! I used some advice from a couple of people but if I didn't use all I apologize. I will get to them as soon as I can. However enjoy these new ones and post any new ideas for tips! They are always welcomed! :)**

Part

Two

Tip #8- Never let the Autobots in the following Stores

*Toys R Us*

-The girls should have known better!

-The boys found the Nerf toys.

-And the Riding Vehicles for Toddlers.

-Billy had a "bright" idea.

-They went zooming down the halls, firing Nerf gun pellets at each other.

...

-Bumblebee had an epic fight with Alex with Nerf swords.

-Bee lost.

...

-Next, they found the Chemistry Sets.

-The ones where they have magnifying glass.

-And flammable paper.

-The firefighters were awfully nice.

-And the damage wasn't too bad….

-Our faces are shown at the front with the words "BANNED"

-The guys think it's funny.

-The girls don't.

.

.

.

*Victoria Secret*

-Just don't.

-The guys were traumatized.

-They young boys wore the bra's like bug's eyes.

-And the Underwear like hats.

-Crystal and Sadie had to bail them out of mall jail.

.

.

.

*GameStop

-They wont leave.

-Serious…

-They. WON'T. Leave.

-Sadie dragged Bumblebee out by the collar.

-He kept mumbling "So many, I didn't know there were so many!"

-Sadie had to bait them with a bought game.

-Including Crystal.

.

.

.

*Wal mart

- NO One is allowed! ANY of them.

-The girls saw the prices on clothes.

-They were not seen or heard of for days.

-Their boyfriends found them running around the clothes racks giggling insanely.

...

-The boys found the toy aisle.

-Billy and Alex chased Bumblebee and Bulkhead with plastic swords.

-Then ran away as Bumblebee and Bulkhead came back with light sabers.

...

-Next, they found the bouncy balls.

-The HUGE ones!

-Crystal and Sadie came in to the boys knocking each other over with them.

-And throwing smaller ones like snowballs.

-One "accidently" hit Crystal unconscious when she told them they had to stop.

-We don't go to Wal mart anymore.

.

.

.

Tip #9-If you value your sanity do NOT let the Autobots watch Game shows!

-Billy asked Sari out on a date.

-She said no.

-Billy asked "Is that your final answer?"

-Crystal had to buy a whole 10 oz of cooling cream for Billy's red cheek.

...

-Alex WILL show them Price is Right.

-Ratchet got hooked.

-No one speaks from 11 am till noon at the house.

-Unless they want objects thrown at them.

.

.

.

Tip #10- The following Youtube videos are Not recommended

*Where's the chapstick?

-Bumblebee will drive Ratchet INSANE!

-Yes, insane.

-This was our third trip to the emergency room this month!

-But at least we get free nachos at the cafeteria now.

.

.

.

*Redneck ninja

-No one could stop laughing.

-Alex and Billy learned how to "Ninje chop"

-"Don't go ninjun nobody who don't need ninjun" is the hit joke amongst the boys.

...

-The boys will find empty dip cans.

-And will use them as "ninje stars" as the video says too.

-Alex threw one too hard.

-Sadie got hit.

-She had a black eye for a week.

...

-They will use jumping ropes as "ninje nunchucks".

-Billy had rope burn for a week.

-The girls took pictures of them entangle in their "ninje nunchucks"

-Blackmail!

.

.

.

*Any Tree House Friends

-No comment.

-Prowl's face was priceless.

.

.

.

Tip #11 – For Blackmailing Purposes, Allow Autobots to listen to the following Songs

*Ice, Ice, Ice Baby

- Bumblebee knew the dance.

-He did it at karaoke night at Buffalo Wild Wings.

-Everyone loved IT!

-We go every Wednesday night now.

-The girls take videos.

.

.

.

*The Twist by Chubby Checker

-Watching Bulkhead learn was…..interesting.

-He couldn't quite get the "twist" part.

-He twisted too hard.

-On Emily.

.

.

.

* Stayin Alive by Bee Gee's

-Who knew Alex can sing high pitched!

-Or Ratchet?

-Again…Prowl's face was priceless.

-As everyone else's.

.

.

.

*Cotton Eye Joe

-Billy will think it's funny to teach them to "kick up them heels"

-They WILL do it!

-And Alex taught them how to say "Howdy Ya'll".

-I don't think the girls have every laughed so hard!

.

.

.

Tip #12- The following BOARD games are now BAND from the group

*BattleShip

-Bumblebee will get mad if he loses.

-Alex hid behind the couch after Billy "sunk his battle ship".

-We can't find all the pieces.

...

-Ratchet sat on the submarine piece a week later.

-Alex said "Wow, I'm surprised it didn't sink after colliding with your big dingy."

-Again, free nachos at the cafeteria.

.

.

.

*Monopoly

-Just don't.

-PLEASE!

-We played for TEN hours!

-Finally at 4 in the morning Alex threw up the board off the table shouting "I quit!"

...

-Sadie had all the boardwalks!

-AND the railroads!

-She made everyone go on credit!

-Alex was behind like negative $2,500!

...

-Bumblebee left like five hours into after getting "Sent To Jail" ten times in a row.

-With Bulkhead trying to sell his "get out of jail free" card for $200!

-Didn't he know you can get out of jail for $50?

-I guess not.

.

.

.

*Chess

-You'll get a headache.

-Apparently Sari taught them once and Prowl "download" all the moves into his processor.

-He kept beating everyone.

-Including Ratchet!

-Even Bulkhead tried!

.

.

.

*Sorry!

-Were not allowed to discuss it.

-Especially not September 15th, at 8:50pm last month.

-Just know someone said "Sorry" and Crystal replied "Oh, you'll soon be."

-Can these nachos taste any better?

.

.

.

*Scrabble

-The Autobots got mad after "Cybertron" was not allowed on the board.

-Or many of their languages words.

...

-Billy and Alex switched letters when no one was looking.

-No one caught on until Billy spelled the word "Amazing."

-When he just said he used all his "a's".

-And Optimus had "accidently" peeked over Billy to see he had the last two "a's" from the bag.

...

-I have never seen a group of people turn on two people so quickly.

-I mean it was like Lord of the Flies in that room!

-With the boys as target practice!

-Billy and Alex scream like little girls when you say the word "Scrabble".

-Crystal does it just to mess with them.

-They are not amused.

**So...funny? Tell me what you think! : )**


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